Every story sent to The Reasons to go on Living Project is unique. The stories describe many different experiences and emotions. Some are very brief, some lengthy. Some describe many events, some focus on the author’s suicide attempt. The stories posted here describe themes and ideas that are common to many of the stories we have received. We hope these stories will help you understand some of the difficulties, challenges and changes experienced by people who considered ending their life. We hope you find them educational and inspirational.
We are grateful to every person who shares their story with the Project. As you read these stories, remember that many more are needed for the Project. Every story is important to help us understand the experience of recovery after a suicide attempt. Please consider participating in the Reasons to go on Living Project by sending us your story.
Some small changes have been made to the stories to ensure they are easy to read and anonymous. The stories describe very difficult lives and painful circumstances. If you find any of the stories upsetting, please talk with someone who can help you, or click here to go to the "In Crisis" page.
Story 20
Before I became suicidal, my life was in a word “a mess”. I come from a truly dysfunctional family in which I suffered what at first appeared to be episodes of depression...
Story 30
I first attempted suicide when I was 10 or 12 year’s old. I felt that people would be happier if I were not here. It took me about a year to decide what to do...
Story 1
I realized that I’m a lesbian when I was 16 back in the late '80s. I fell in love with my best friend at school. It was a Catholic school, my family was very Catholic, and I was a regular church-goer and believer...
Story 35
Recovering from sexual abuse and things were really black as I was not winning over the flashbacks nor could I figure out a way to stop blaming myself. On Dec 31, I decided to end my life and had everything ready...
Story 34
When I saw the poster "The Reasons to go on Living Project" I was a little sceptical. I thought "Great someone is going to speaking about all the things to live for." I felt like this because I feel like I've heard it all...
Story 60
Today is World Suicide Prevention Day, a chance to talk about something people don’t talk about often enough. When I attempted suicide I...
Story 39
It is difficult to know where to begin a story like this so, following the King's advice to Alice, I'll begin at the beginning."...
Story 19
My name is Jessie. I am now 23 years old. I grew up in a large family with five brothers, no sisters. My parents divorced when I was three and never got along after...
Story 63
I don't remember a time when I wasn't suicidal - actively or at the very least, passively. As a child, I did...
Story 82
Hi, my name is Sandra and I’m a suicide survivor. Depending on how you count them, I’ve made 4 to 7 suicide attempts...
Story 98
I was done with life. Nothing ever went right. I hated my job at a fast food joint, I was failing every class in college, I didn't have a car, my mother was being a tyrant, my boyfriend was in prison serving a year sentence...
Story 89
My life seemed to be going fine. I was in high school, and I was having fun with friends. Unfortunately I began using drugs. At first I had no problems, but then I started taking a benzodiazepine. It made me feel like I had no worries at all...
Story 103
Before the depression, I was a happy, quiet and normal girl. I had many friends, high hopes for the future, and I felt loved...
Story 154
Yesterday I listened to the presentation on this project at the Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention conference in Dartmouth and realized why I was there; besides trying to learn basic knowledge to save someone else's life.
My story of my suicide attempt isn't typical in the fact that it ended differently, maybe because I was meant to fight this cause today...
Story 128
How did I survive my suicidal thoughts? It was simple. My GP’s nurse drove me to the ER, sat with me while I was admitted and I was then under very close observation until the drugs kicked in a few days later...
Story 150
I graduated as a nurse from Seneca College in 1983. I was an honour graduate. It wasn’t long before stress on the job sent me into a tailspin. I became depressed. Over the next 20 years I was in and out of hospitals many times and was nearly successful in my desire to kill myself...
Story 187
I laid in the back of the ambulance,
the snow of too many doses of ativan dissolving on my tongue.
Story 171
Seven years ago I swallowed a bottle of pills in front of my 15-year-old daughter and husband. It had been during an extreme argument with my daughter with her saying she should just kill herself.
Story 170
I was twenty years old when I attempted suicide, although I had been contemplating it for about six months, ever since I had an abortion.
Stories 168 & 169
I am not a great writer (I have dyslexia). I did attempt suicide once, when I was 13. I don’t really remember my thought process, but I remember thinking, this hurts too much, not again. I was sexually abused by both parents, which I blocked from my consciousness until adulthood. I’m sure that’s a huge reason.
Story 165
I grew up in a large family. My father was strict but loving. My mother was very ill. It was a difficult childhood, to be sure, but my father always tried his best and it is to him I attribute any successes my siblings and I may have.
Story 163
I am a physician and former national team athlete. One would think that I should have the tools to deal with this...My suicide attempt, if one can call it that, happened in August several years ago.
Story 160
When I was 15 I attempted suicide for the first time and within a year and a half I attempted suicide 3 times. After my third attempt I told my friend that I had attempted the night before, and then she went to the school counselor and told him.
Story 184
I was adopted as an infant. Growing up, I knew that fact and somehow always felt that I didn't fit in anywhere.
Story 203
I have waited one year to get into this clinic; it is my first visit. I am shy and pretty, with long dark hair and a slight figure. I try to dress well and usually turn heads. This is my reality, it is my way of knowing what I present to an otherwise shaky, uncertain world. I am not well.
Story 204
I would like to describe my journey with mental illness, talk about what it does to me, and then conclude with some of the things I do to help get me through my days. The best place to start is right at the beginning.
Story 332
My family moved to another country when I turned thirteen years old. I found the move very difficult and really missed my old friends and family back in my home country. My parents kept moving to different states and towns and I had to go to four different high schools, which I found very hard. I was also really not getting along with my father and we were fighting a lot. I was always new at school and found it very hard to adjust and make new friends. An outcast, I was bullied and hardly had any friends.
We plan to post additional stories regularly - please check back soon.
Ninety per cent of people who engage in suicide-related behaviours are experiencing depression, other mental health issues, or have an addiction.